When I Was Seventeen I Died

When I was seventeen I died. Luckily I survived my death. Of course my experience of death sent me on a quest to understand what the hell had just happened…

It was a Friday or a Saturday night at community park looking for a party; the only reason to hang out at community park at night. I chanced upon a high school friend who introduced me to her striking brother. He asked if I wanted to party and popped a blue tip into my mouth (phenobarbital). Things got weird very quickly after that.

I lost track of my friend and her brother. I vaguely remember a crowd around one of my friends who was crawling around on all fours and eating dirt; I think it was Panda. I don’t remember how I got to the front of community park but I do remember walking back to the ball field with J.L. and telling him that something wasn’t right with that bluetip; that I felt like I was in a parallel dimension walking beside him; with him but alone. We got to the picnic area at the ballpark and he guided me into a car telling my friend J.H. to take me someplace and babysit me. As I was in the backseat another of my high school friends looked in to check on me and I told him that his “head was surrounded by blackness and I was soaring away from him into blackness.”

I found myself gently floating prone down a spiral of light. At the end of the spiral in a black holding space I stood and was met by two beings of shadow and light who introduced themselves as my mother and father (my physical parents were still alive in the material). A disk shaped chariot of light approached and we boarded it. As we traveled through the blackness I asked the guides “where are we.?”

They explained that this void was reality. That all that we perceive in the material existed only because we all agreed to believe in it. That the desk I knock upon and the wood it’s made from is real because of our belief. As we got to where we were going within the void I notice many spots of light and saw with my creative imagination the transparent human bodies that anchored each light; all sitting buddhas facing a doorway of light. “I am not going to die,” I said as I approached the door where I sensed a being of great love sitting beyond the light. A voice came from the being I couldn’t see and told me a great many things that I forgot upon my recovery from death. The only thing I remembered from him was “send her back she’s not ready.” 

I immediately found myself in a hospital ICU attached to many tubes and wires.

Printing A Relief Print Using We R Memory Keepers Die Cutting Machine

Altering Tarot Cards

I've been altering some of my tarot decks. Not all of my decks will get de-bordered but there are some decks that I just don't enjoy using, usually because they're too big for me to handle easily.  Bear in mind I will not alter most of my out of print, collectable, signed or self printed by the artist decks. After de-bording a few I've come to realize I also didn't connect because the white border washed out the artwork.  The following will be photos of some decks I altered.

This is the first deck I played with.  It's a vintage Rider-Waite-Smith (RWS) laser printed.  I laser printed it on heavy card stock because I needed something back in 2005 that I could easily carry for study of the images while I was working on my master's thesis.  I'm thinking of carving a rubber block with a pattern I can hand stamp onto the backs. I did experiment with coloring the edges; here I experimented with using very thin stroke with a sponge brush with bronze acrylic paint.  The mistake I made was in trying to do all the edges of one side of the deck in one swipe, the paint ,although dry-brushed, bled around the edges. Fortunately since it's a copy of a vintage deck the bleeding adds to an aged look. So in order to avoid this issue with a deck I'd actually like to read with I took the time to watch some YouTube videos of tarotists who successfully trimmed and edged their decks.

Back in 2007 I bought this Llewelyn deck. I found the artwork gorgeous but it was so big I couldn't easily handle the cards and so I never could connect with it.  I figured this deck was a good one to be my first trim and edge. In the upper left of the photo, atop the organza bag I laid a trimmed card over an untrimmed title card to compare the difference in size.  Bottom left you can see just how lovely the artwork is and how beautifully it stands out without borders. Bottom right you can compare a trimmed back to an untrimmed back  Top right I stood the cards so you could see the edge treatment I did.  I use a copper colored "Brilliance" brand stamp pad, gently running the edges of each card one by one over the pad to distribute the ink.  It's lovely but the stamp pad was an older one so there are faded spots.  I will redo the edges with a new copper Brilliance stamp pad that I just bought at Michael's (with a 50% off coupon - thank you).  

I used a Fiskers paper trimmer that uses a razor blade, I didn't care for it because the cards would slip around to I bought a guillotine Fiskers trimmer that has a bar to firmly hold down the cards as I chop off their sides...I used it on the next deck trim...

...and it worked beautifully! The edges are near perfect squared and can be easily shuffled. The deck is a standard sized mass market newer RWS and I love them trimmed.  The trimmed size is just a tad larger than Scarabeo mini decks and so much easier to handle than the standard tarot size, Plus the artwork just pops without borders to box in the archetypes. I silvered the edges using a giant chisel tip "Craftsmart" water based marker from Michael's. These markers work very well for edging the cards as the large chisel tip is much like the cloth pads of stamp pads. And the color is works very well with the ubiquitous plaid RWS backs.  

Now I know I said that I wouldn't alter out of print (OOP) decks but I love the Sharman Caselli deck and wanted one trimmed to I could love it even more.  Since I didn't want to jack up my well cared for deck from the OOP complete tarot kit I did an eBay search for a used Sharman Caselli and ended up buying an OOP kit because it was cheap, used, in so-so condition so no longer collectable.  And it gave me an already opened black and white deck that I could feel free to color (I never could bring myself to open the one that came in my kit).  It is so obvious in these trimmed cards just how much the white borders wash out the gorgeous artwork of this deck. I can't believe how it was possible to love this deck even more! You can compare the difference in size with the black and white sample shown with these.  I don't know if it was the thicker card stock of this deck but the trimming was harder than the RWS and the edges aren't as squared but I won't be riffling this deck anyway.  Oh the size of the trimmed deck is similar to the U.S. Games pocket decks, maybe a tad larger.  

So I've started the next projects.  The generic "Tarot Cards" with pips are giant and perfect for doing mixed media artworks on.  I've scuffed and gessoed the backs of the major arcana.  I will be doing mixed media artworks on those backs leaving the fronts untouched (mostly) I'll post those projects in progress in my blog "Phare-Camp Fine Art"  I've started the trimming of the Druidcraft Tarot and am photographing the altering of this deck as I go.  My next post here will be all about that.  I thought I was going to Trim and Edge the mini Marseille but since I like to use it for playing solitaire I'm only going to edge it.  I just have to decide what color to use...

Random Deck of the Day 3/20/2017

 

Today I added a couple of new decks to the deck of the day jar. Then I mixed it all up and pulled out a random paper and it just happened to be for one of the new decks. The deck today is the mini version of the "Secret Tarot."

 

The cards I pulled are the Knave (Page) of Cups, the 9 of Swords and the 5 of Wands.

 

Above is my study; it includes my stream of consciousness and key words from the LWB, Paul Foster Case book "The Tarot: Key to the Wisdom of the Ages" and Mary Greer's "Tarot for Yourself."

The Story 

He loves her dearly but she lacks confidence and doesn't believe she deserves love. She worries about imagined conflicts in the relationship. She holds herself back from receiving his love.

What the Cards Say to Me 

Recent conflict that came up in the women's circle were petty games that are of no consequence. It blew up out of proportion and we made a bigger deal of it than was necessary. Be chill Patti, watch and tame your own reactions, don't get sucked into contributing to pettiness, games and power plays.

When Sick in Bed You Play with Your Tarot Kits

So I had the flu...I was miserably too sick to do anything active and too bored to sit still. So naturally I pulled tarot kits from the bookcase right next to my bed and played with those while reading the books that came with them. Of course being bed meant I had only a lap tray to put cards on so I used the mini Sharman-Caselli deck that came in my nifty "The Tarot Box."

 The very nice Tarot Box

 The clever packaging and flip top of the Tarot Box. See how the divider neatly organizes the deck, book and puzzle pieces for quality storage.

The useful book and miniature Sharman-Burke - Caselli deck. The ball point pen gives good reference of the size of the useful items in this kit. 

The not so useful puzzle pieces are supposed to fit together to create a spread surface but it's too difficult to use because the colors are the same on both sides so it's really hard to figure out which pieces go with each other and once you get it together it's too clunky to use as a reading surface. They would have been a lot more useful (and probably cheaper) to have used a printed handkerchief or plain violet or black handkerchief neatly folded with in the box in the slot they used for the useless puzzle.

I worked from the book that came with my "The Complete Tarot Pack" it came with two full size decks; one full color and the other simple line art for coloring your own deck. It also came with a book. The larger book contains most of the text from the Tarot Box book with better pictures, larger type and exercises to enhance your learning. The book that came with the Tarot Box has more spreads to play around with. Since I was stuck in bed I got through the book in a couple of days.

 I like that the book starts you off with the minors. Most start with the majors and I've found in trying to read a book on tarot I often get bored down i the majors.  While going through each suite there were mini exercises with just the suite. I didn't record those, I did record the first spread with all the suites (no majors). It was the ubiquitous Celtic cross spread. I worked so much with that spread as a novice in my teens that I've come to dislike it. I prefer to simply lay the cards out in a line so I can see the linear story...anyway...

This is how I recorded my academic perusal.

The next exercise came after study of the majors. It was a star spread with majors only. I found this spread to be a bit more fun than the Celtic cross. 

This is my academic study of the spread.

The final exercise was using the entire deck in a horseshoe spread. I don't mind this one because it's linear within the curve so easy to see the story and if I need clarifiers than it's easy to line them beneath the card I pulled them for. 

And of course here's my academic study of the spread I pulled.

In the past I was using the mini deck for playing solitaire. I loved the artwork but I hadn't tried to read with it. I've found with these exercises that the deck doesn't jibe with me so much in a reading. This may just be because of the small size and I may later find that working with the full size deck is wonderful. Until then I still have many kits that I haven't worked with yet so I'll continue study from my cozy bed even though I'm very well now. I've found that:

1. it's very comfortable

2. it's freedom from television

3. it's conveniently right next to my tarot collection bookcase

4. it's neutral territory with the cats so they peacefully cuddle with me and keep my feet warm.

The book I started after this was from a newly released kit called Tarot Made Easy.

This kit comes with Barbera Moore's book Your Tarot Your Way and a lovely Waite-Smith based tarot deck by artist Eugene Smith. It has a lot more quick and easy exercises that are excellent learning devices. In the next few days I'll post some of the exercises I've done so far with this very nice kit.

New Old Deck

 

I was gifted this vintage Tarot deck by my friend Rachel. It was the working deck of another friend (and Rachel's bff) who crossed over late last year.  I cherish this gift and will probably never put it in order as I feel like my friends are with me while I'm working with it.

 

After significant research (hard search) I discovered that this deck was developed and published by Frankie Albano and is referred to as the Albano Deck or sometimes the White Tarot Deck. I call it the Golden Sun Tarot as to me that's the most obvious name for it. In my head/heart it's Angel's Tarot.

 
 I did my first three card general (no question) reading with the deck. 

 

Page one was my stream of consciousness impressions 

 

Page two is book info and the star section is my interpretation.

Basically if I don't choose well I will not fare well...and to stop being so lazy...

Tarot Tuesday Random Daily Deck Reading: Tablus Mundi Colores Arcus

 

Today I pulled one of Tabula Mundi decks from my deck jar, thinking I wasn't ready to read with that deck I put it back and pulled another deck paper from the jar and it was the other Tabula Mundi deck! Ok so I can take a hint...

 

I decided since it's a new deck that's rather content heavy that I'd make today "Tarot Tuesday" and do a deeper study with a three card spread using the Colored Arcus; the newly released color version of the deck.

 

All the cards I pulled came up reversed. I pulled the three of cups, the six of swords and Art (Temperance in the RWS style decks).

In the first page I did stream of consciousness study with each card and started with the companion book Book M: Liber Mundi. 

 

On the second page I continued study with the companion book. I added study with Rachel Pollack's classic book Seventy Eight Degrees of Wisdom and ended with my summation.

I think the universe is still addressing my decision to give up on trying to get a teaching position. I have to accept my mourning of the sacrifice of that dream I worked so hard for. Embrace it and express it so I can let go... I need to make room in my heart so I can move on and focus on my career as an artist. Especially since it's going to be rough going after being out of the gallery scene for too many years. I've got to get the world to remember that I am an established, experienced and highly knowledgeable artist and at my age the work is going to feel like starting over... And basically I am starting over...

Random Deck Reading: Book of Shadows Tarot

 

I pulled a reading using both decks from the Book of Shadows Tarot.

 

The kit came with the deck As Above V1, and a companion book with space for the deck So Below V2 which was published a year later. I think Lo Scarabeo made a mistake with the first deck. The card stock is thicker than in the second deck making it very difficult to shuffle the two decks together. They should have anticipated that readers would naturally want to read with the two decks together. I think I'll buy a lone version of the first deck, I bet the second editions are on the same card stock as V2. Any way I did manage to get the two decks mixed together and pulled a reading.

 The cards pulled in order were the page of wands from deck 2, the five of water from deck 1 and the world reversed from deck 2.

 

As usual I did a stream of consciousness study of the cards and the companion book. The book by the way did really well for the first deck but falls way short on the second deck. The first deck info is nicely acedemic for the first half then the second half comes of as half assed. They really didn't put a lot of effort into what could have been a very significant set.

I think this reading is speaking to me about my decision to give up on trying find a teaching position so I can focus more on my career as an artist. There is a lot of empowerment in being decisive but it also means sacrificing a lot of financial freedom. I think the five of water and the reversed world are telling me to make a plan. Things are going to be tough but I'm going in the right direction. I just need to direct a lot of energy to prepare and execute. Especially since I'm not quite ready to hit the gallery and exhibit circuit. There's been a lot of construction on my house and I can't feel comfortable creating and working until my home and studio are back in order. So first projects, and perfect for the waning stages of the moon, is to purge all the extraneous stuff that's accumulated over the past twenty five years. Then during the waxing days of the moon I'll organize and plan so that come 1st of the year I can finally come back out into the world and show off my great works...

Random Daily Reading: The Complete Tarot Kit Thoth Deck

  

The deck I pulled today is the Thoth deck from The Complete Tarot Kit put out by U.S. Games. It's a pretty nifty kit with two mini decks, RWS & Thoth.

 

It also comes with a tarot reading journal and a Guide book. 

 

That guide book by the way is in no way a piece of fluff like most companion books tend to be. It's not as in depth as DuQuette but it's definitely more helpful a guide than most. The kit also comes with the prerequisite printed Celtic cross layout sheet and an odd cheat sheet designed to fold like a table card but since it's printed on both sides half the cheats will be hidden inside. Better to use it accordion folded, if you need it.

 The cards pulled were the emperor, the moon and the queen of cups.

 

Here's my stream of consciousness and companion book study. 

I find it interesting how the cards I pulled spoke to what I was thinking of earlier in the day yet had forgotten. While shopping at target for dry and paper goods I stopped to admire the Christmas card display. Which set me to thinking that I still hadn't come up with a design for this year's hand printed holiday cards. So I looked closer to get ideas. While looking I thought there were so many pretty ones I wish I could copy all the ones I like.  Then I thought well Patti you could just hand watercolor paint several different images on cards instead of printing one image over and over... the idea went to the back of my mind and I went back to my shopping. 

So the emperor is telling me time to get to it, start that project. The moon is saying that it would be good for practice but it's going to require some time, a lot and the queen is telling me it's creative time, the ideas are good and it will help me to feel the joy of the season of giving as i create these gifts of miniature art to mail to friends and family.

Random Daily Deck Reading: Book of Thoth Etteilla Tarot

 

The deck I drew from today was the Book of Thoth Etteilla Tarot published by Lo Scarabeo,  Torino Italy, 2003.

It's a reproduction of the Grand Jeu de l'Oracle des Dames, Paris 1870.

My question chanted during shuffling was "what's the message from the universe today."

The cards I drew were the 2 of Swords, the Queen of Swords and the 4 of Pentacles. The 4 of pentacles is reversed. The 2 of swords may be reversed, the card text seems to say it's reversed but if that were the case then the stamped medallion in the center would be upside down when upright; doesn't make sense...

 

Here we have my journal notes that include stream of consciousness observations, notes from the little white book and my interpretation of the spread.

What I Gleaned 

For the sake of my health (I've had a gnarley chest cold for the past week) and domestic harmony I need to limit my activities and let my self recuperate. This means canceling my pedicure and lunch date for tomorrow and instead of doing my weekly household shopping just go to the local market for a few must haves. I also need to let physical tasks slide, even if I am out of clean pajammies. Do only those tasks that are absolutely necessary.

Random Deck Reading: Fountain Tarot

The deck today is the Fountain Tarot and surprisingly I pulled a very significant reading despite not having gone through this deck. I had no idea of what the images in this deck looked like or how much they corresponded to the RWS or Thoth decks.

 

I pulled the ten of swords, the ten of cups and the page of cups.

 

Here's my stream of consciousness and companion book study.

The tens in the minors indicate the culmination of an event, idea or issue. The ten of swords can mean conceptual ideas like betrayal or the end of old beliefs or it can be taken literally as in a pain in your back or unexpected injury/illness. In my case today it's literal. 

I've been laid out for a week with crippling back pain. I have had issues with chronic hip bursitis and a flair up was triggering muscle spasms in my lower back so I've been in a medication fog. Today the back pain is gone and only tiny twinges in the hips so no need for meds. Therefore I can get back to the things I want and need to do.

The ten of cups is about harmony in home and relationships. We've been doing a lot of remodeling making our house and home very messy. This weekend we paint the living room and dining area culminating in an end to the domestic chaos. I can soon start reorganizing my home and since everything from the hall closet has been dragged out I can easily cull 80% or more of the old stuff that no longer serves.

The Page of Cups is about spiritual growth and study. It also represents a person of artistic sensitivity. In this reading it represents getting back to my art making career and spiritual studies in tarot after home disruption and illness. 

Daily Random Deck Readings 10/16-10/18

Well my intentions were great but I had to put the readings aside while our home was getting remodel stuff done.  With hubby spreading drywall dust all over the joint I didn't want to pull the cards out. Then we had strangers installing new wood flooring so I kept the cards in their bookcase.

My intention is to photographically record the daily random deck reading then at the end of the week post a week's worth of in a weekly blog.

10-16-16

The Dread Pirate Roberts, Wesley for short, sometimes likes to assist me with my readings...

....and with my artwork...

 The cards pulled from the New Mythic Tarot deck

my stream of consciousness, companion book research and interpretation

10-17-16

This is the first time I've ever used an oracle other than tarot and contrary to what I expected I found the experience very enjoyable.

Sacred Geometry Oracle Deck

Stream of Consciousness, Companion Book and My Interpretation

10-18-16

 Lo Scarabeo Tarot

stream of consciousness, little white book and my interpretation

The experience of pulling random deck readings is very enjoyable.  Hopefully in the future life events wont disrupt my daily practice too often!