When I Was Seventeen I Died

When I was seventeen I died. Luckily I survived my death. Of course my experience of death sent me on a quest to understand what the hell had just happened…

It was a Friday or a Saturday night at community park looking for a party; the only reason to hang out at community park at night. I chanced upon a high school friend who introduced me to her striking brother. He asked if I wanted to party and popped a blue tip into my mouth (phenobarbital). Things got weird very quickly after that.

I lost track of my friend and her brother. I vaguely remember a crowd around one of my friends who was crawling around on all fours and eating dirt; I think it was Panda. I don’t remember how I got to the front of community park but I do remember walking back to the ball field with J.L. and telling him that something wasn’t right with that bluetip; that I felt like I was in a parallel dimension walking beside him; with him but alone. We got to the picnic area at the ballpark and he guided me into a car telling my friend J.H. to take me someplace and babysit me. As I was in the backseat another of my high school friends looked in to check on me and I told him that his “head was surrounded by blackness and I was soaring away from him into blackness.”

I found myself gently floating prone down a spiral of light. At the end of the spiral in a black holding space I stood and was met by two beings of shadow and light who introduced themselves as my mother and father (my physical parents were still alive in the material). A disk shaped chariot of light approached and we boarded it. As we traveled through the blackness I asked the guides “where are we.?”

They explained that this void was reality. That all that we perceive in the material existed only because we all agreed to believe in it. That the desk I knock upon and the wood it’s made from is real because of our belief. As we got to where we were going within the void I notice many spots of light and saw with my creative imagination the transparent human bodies that anchored each light; all sitting buddhas facing a doorway of light. “I am not going to die,” I said as I approached the door where I sensed a being of great love sitting beyond the light. A voice came from the being I couldn’t see and told me a great many things that I forgot upon my recovery from death. The only thing I remembered from him was “send her back she’s not ready.” 

I immediately found myself in a hospital ICU attached to many tubes and wires.